You know those posts that are just hard to write, hard to organize that whirlwind of thoughts and emotions into coherent sentences, hard to open up and share with the world– and yet, demand to be written anyway?
Yep. This is one of those posts.
(And it’s the highest form of irony that I’m scared to even post this. Ugh.)
Something I have learned in the past few years is that there are certain spiritual themes of each season of my life– lessons that God has specifically placed on my heart for that specific time, in order to grow me.
When I chose my word of the year for 2017, I was drawn towards the word “intentional”. Living each day, loving each person, and spending time with the Lord with intention.
This semester, God has also seen fit to place another word on my heart: action.
Confession: I am not exactly what people would call a take-action kind of girl. (I know this shocks you all.)
I’m rather slow to act. Cautious. Hesitant to try brave new things.
And more than that, I like my comfort zone. A lot. It’s quite comfortable, after all.
Comfort zones come in several forms for me– my places and my people. My routines. My personality. (Ohh, especially that. It’s so easy to limit myself to the confines of who I perceive and want myself to be, and that is a dangerous path to walk, friends. I use my INFJness as an excuse far too often, and this is something that I’m working on stopping.)
Going up to people and sharing the Gospel with them face-to-face? That is not in my comfort zone at all. Honestly, knowing I need to do this for my evangelism class this semester (which is an entirely different matter that I won’t comment on for now), and that I haven’t done so yet and will need to in the next week or two, is giving me more anxiety than it probably should, especially considering how long I’ve been a follower of Christ.
There are other things in my life that I’m having to step up and act upon that scare me, but right now I would say that’s close to the top of the list.
And everyone around me is encouraging me to be more bold. To step up. To be assertive.
And God is convicting me– why am I so scared to present the Gospel to others? Why am I making all sorts of excuses (I don’t know any nonbelievers well enough to do that, I share Him in other ways, I find myself encouraging believers in their walks and that should count for something right?, etc.) to justify why I don’t want to take so bold an action? Why is it so hard for me to take courage and act? To face the things I’ve never done before with confidence?
So I guess this is what I’m learning– not just to listen to the Lord, but to do what He says.
Not just to take in His words and His love, but to take that truth and actively share it with the lost.
Not to cower behind my personality, but to be so focused on Him that I don’t even consider my own inhibitions as I approach people.
Not to be comfortable in my comfort zone, but to take intentional steps out of it in bravery.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear (or timidity, dear Em), but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.
Intentionality is rather pointless without action.
The things that I’m facing are still new and daunting, but I will not do my usual thing and tentatively approach them with dread. God has called me to bravery and to action, to intentionally share His love with a dying world, and I cannot ignore His calling.
As C.S. Lewis wrote, “Courage, dear heart.”
Let’s do this.
~
“And even though you’re scared
You’re stronger than you know…
If you’re lost out where the lights are blinding
Caught in all, the stars are hiding
That’s when something wild calls you home, home
If you face the fear that keeps you frozen
Chase the sky into the ocean
That’s when something wild calls you home, home”
// Something Wild, from Pete’s Dragon //
~
“No one ever told me this would be easy
But I never knew that it could be this hard
Oh the worry the worry the worry
Is weighing on me
Could you help me break down
All these question marks
And make me brave
I’ll fight like a soldier
(Brave) rise like a warrior
(Brave) won’t stop till the final day
(Brave) I want to be stronger
(Brave) gonna be bolder
(Brave) look up and I see the way
You make me brave
I know I know I’m no superwoman
But impossible is possible with you
So no, no, no more running, no more hiding
Strike the fire so I’ll be fearless too
And make me brave
I’ll fight like a soldier
(Brave) rise like a warrior
(Brave) won’t stop till the final day
(Brave) I want to be stronger
(Brave) gonna be bolder
(Brave) look up and I see the way
You make me brave
None go with me
Still I’ll follow
Through the joy
And through the sorrow
Cross before me
World behind me
There’s no turning back…”
// Brave, by Moriah Peters //
{A Portrait of Grace} 