// astonishing. //

“There’s a life
That I am meant to lead
A life like nothing I have known
I can feel it
And it’s far from here
I’ve got to find it on my own…

There must be somewhere I can be
Astonishing
Astonishing
I’ll find my way
I’ll find it far away
I’ll find it in unexpected and unknown
I’ll find my life in my own way
Today
Here I go
And there’s no turning back
My great adventure has begun
I may be small
But I’ve got giant plans
To shine as brightly as the sun
I will blaze until I find my time and place…

I’ll be astonishing at last.”

// Sutton Foster as Jo March / Little Women (the musical) //

~

I’m that girl who feels the tug on her heart to do something wonderful and brave, but has no idea what that will look like in her life yet.

What I do know is that I don’t want a life of complacency. I don’t want to reach the end of my days only to look back and realize that I don’t have a legacy to leave behind, that I haven’t impacted anyone’s life, that I somehow missed out on the abundant life that God called me to. Frankly, that is a terrifying thought.

My dad reminded me this morning, by way of encouragement, that Jesus didn’t heal or call people until after they gave an expression of belief. You take that first step of faith and following His will, and then He does mighty things with that one step, with your belief and obedience.

And well, right now I’m just taking one step at a time. Following God’s will in the day-to-day and in preparing to go to Liberty.

My heart still yearns for more. For finding my purpose– my ministry– a project I can begin and grow and love people with. I have a few small, vague ideas taking up space in my heart, but God hasn’t shown me a specific dream to take off running with yet.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that something wonderful is waiting for me at Liberty. Maybe this ache in my heart is God preparing me to walk fearlessly into the unknown when He finally shows me what He’s calling me to do. By nature I’m a very cautious person. I like having a plan. But the beauty of following Christ is that when we let go of our need to control, He calls us to do crazy wonderful things that are so much bigger than ourselves. And He will make us brave, if we let Him.

In the meantime, I will keep walking in faith, step by step, following His will. And I will love people with all my heart and seek adventures in the everyday. And I will keep writing and reading and praying. And I will keep studying scripture and psychology and apologetics and social justice– all things that my heart loves to dive into. Maybe the things that get my heart all fired up are the catalysts for the something wonderful that is yet to come.

And when it does come, when God says “Alright, Em, it’s time”… I don’t know what it will look like, but I do know that it will be astonishing. And all the glory will go to Him, always.

{love, the girl who wants “to set the world on fire with all the quiet and beautiful things she does” [hannah brencher]}

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4 Replies to “// astonishing. //”

  1. Ohh I love this. I so often feel the very same way. But yes, the Lord will finish what he started in us, I know it. And He will make us brave for what’s coming ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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