// I don’t wanna live for me. //

You know those moments where you’re listening to a song, and you just think wow, that’s my heart? Right there, in these lyrics that fit your current life just perfectly? And you just know it’s all God, trying to wake you up and remind you of the truth, and you’ve got to take a minute to stop and breathe a prayer of thanks?

I have those moments pretty often, but I’d really love to share a recent one:

It was a school night a few weeks back, and it was borderline late but I wasn’t tired. Just restless, so restless. I’m sure you’ve felt it too– that unsettling distance from the Lord. It’s not that I turned away, necessarily– but I recklessly filled the space between us with business and tiredness and fictional-ness and general worldliness, instead of running to His open arms, and I knew I was doing it too because I know that empty feeling that comes from not enough Jesus daily. I’ve felt it many times, and a few weeks ago I found myself in that unwanted position again. It’s complacent, it’s convenient, it’s easier than diving into the Word and learning and growing “in spirit and in truth”– but it’s empty. It’s restless. And I look around at all the worldly things I’ve invested my life in and wonder what’s the point of any of it?

So there I was, in a rut, and impulse drove me to reach for my headphones and Spotify.

I scrolled through a melting pot of artists and albums, landing on Moriah Peters.

She’s always been a favorite, due to her lovely, upbeat, truthful lyrics on life as a Christ-follower, and I decided I needed some of that joy.

But I didn’t choose the song– and I’m so glad, because I wouldn’t have picked this one. It’s pretty obscure, and I’d never listened to it, and I had others on the album I loved– but oh, this one is the one that’s my imperfect, sinful heart pretty much all the time. When I sat on my bed and Spotify shuffled to it and I listened with wide eyes and a pounding heart, when I grabbed my journal and furiously scribbled the lyrics down with tears in my eyes and a huge smile on my face, and now, sitting here with a free evening and a heart that hungers for less of me and more of Jesus.

Who knows? Maybe this is your musical-divine-intervention. Maybe this is the song that God wants you to hear in this moment, in whatever you’re struggling through. Take a moment to stop, open your heart, and listen, truly listen. It’s a message we all need sometimes– make that all the time:

Another day come and gone
I do what I hate to do
A little right a little wrong, it’s true
Another choice another fall
I tell myself to stop
But on my own it’s a war and I’ve lost

Why do I say one thing
And then do the opposite
I don’t want to stay this way

Here and now
I surrender all my life
I take this vow
And abandon me tonight
No more going down and up
And down so selfishly
No more going up and down
And up You take the lead
I don’t want to live for me
I don’t want to live for me

Give me grace give me strength
I can’t do this alone
Show me when show me where to go
In the end I want to stand
By Your side no regrets
And give it all to love You
Like You love me

Here and now
I surrender all my life
I take this vow
And abandon me tonight
No more going down and up
And down so selfishly
No more going up and down
And up You take the lead
I don’t want to live for me
I don’t want to live for me

To want You like You want me
To know You like You know me
To love You like You love me

Here and now
I surrender all my life
I take this vow
And abandon me tonight

Here and now
I surrender all my life
I take this vow
And abandon me tonight
No more going down and up
And down so selfishly
No more going up and down
And up You take the lead
I don’t want to live for me
I don’t want to live for me

// Moriah Peters, “Don’t Want to Live For Me” //

{love always, Em}

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